vendredi 25 septembre 2009

...Are you Russian?

Most of my friends are away in Munich for Oktoberfest. I don't mind (I'm glad they're going and having fun, AND I'm glad I'm NOT going!!), but that means this weekend is destined to be filled with reading comics, reading plays, and perhaps watching movies.

All of these are for class, of course.

... No, really!

Anyway, the point of this update was to tell you all about a confusing happenstance that took place yesterday afternoon.

I was walking away from a pastry shop where I bought a meringue, and I was in the process of consuming said meringue (Note on meringue consumption below) when the well-dressed, groomed man carrying a backpack who was walking in front of me stopped.

«Hello, Miss,» he said. I kept walking past him. He continued, «I am on a pilgrimage to spread the word of Christ. I gave up all my worldly belongings and live in the street. I am extremely happy in my new path for Christ, and as you can see I am well dressed, I am clean and groomed, and I am spreading the word of the Bible...»

He continues to speak to me for a little bit. I understand the gist of what he's saying, but he's speaking rather quickly (and obviously, he thinks I am French).

When he finishes, I tell him, «Oh, yes, I'm a Christian.»

He hears my (slight) accent and quickly realizes I'm not French.

«Are you Russian?» he asks.

I sputter, «Uhh.. no... but I'm... Christan...?»

«Oh,» he says. «Well, have a good day!» And he leaves.

...

I AM CONFUSED FOR SO MANY REASONS!

That is all.


(Note on meringue consumption: They crumble into pieces and leave you covered in a fine, sugary powder. Very difficult to eat a meringue without making a mess.)

jeudi 24 septembre 2009

An Abridged History of the World

Welcome, class! I'm your professor, and today we'll be talking about the development of Europe and where exactly the origins of France lie.

But I'm also on a time crunch, so class isn't going to take very long today. I trust you guys to do your research, read your textbooks, and fill in the gaps.

CHAPTER ONE "The Beginning":
First, there was the world. The first homo sapiens probably originated in Africa or Asia, but for whatever reason, the different bands of humans spread out across the globe and gradually mutated and changed skin colors and cultural differences arose based on their surroundings and resources.

[--segment abridged--]

Now that we've covered Asia, the Pacific, Australia, the Americas, and Eastern Europe, we're going to focus on the mutants who primarily inhabited Western Europe.

Some of these mutated humans were pretty cool. So cool, in fact, that they lived part of their lives in icy, snowy conditions, and moose lived near them, and they called the moose the "King of the Forest." Enough about the Swedes, though.

In Central Western Europe, there were a bunch of tribes of humans, including the Romans and the Gauls and the crazy peace-loving hippies who are extremely militarily advanced over in what is known today as Switzerland. Did I mention the Gauls? They're the topic of the day!

So the Gauls were okay for a bit, but rather unorganized. The Romans decided to take over Gaul. Despite their resistance, the Gauls eventually were defeated by the massive Roman army, and suddenly their language combined with Latin and turned into what is known as Old French.

[--segment abridged--]

Therefore, because the French/Gauls were SO strange, the rest of Europe was more or less happy to give them a large plot of land, which is now known as France. Now, the French thought they were particularly clever at getting their own country, but secretly, Europe was just trying to impose some official borders to keep all of the French weirdness in one, contained area.

CHAPTER TWO "Reasons why France is strange":
So as Europe progressed and developed things and became socially and technologically advanced, France did, too. France developed some super awesome things, like beds that are big enough to sleep on in a supine position, super large produce (fruits, vegetables, etc) and eclairs! But France developed some particularly odd habit and things, which will be listed (though not exhaustively) below:

In the streets:
  • Walking dogs without leashes
  • Dogs 'relieve' themselves in the middle of sidewalks
  • If you see a puddle on a sidewalk, PROBABLY NOT WATER
  • Similar note: public urination
  • Beggars
  • Dogs
  • Beggars with dogs
  • Smooth sidewalks, none of this "groove in the cement every 1.5 feet" garbage we have in the US
  • Cobbled roads
  • Motor-scooters
  • Pigeons
  • Pickpockets
  • Restaurant managers yelling at you from across the street, "HEY! COME INTO MY RESTAURANT! YOU, EAT HERE!"
  • Smoking
  • Dodging lit cigarettes
  • Jaywalking

In the restaurants:
  • Dogs
  • Bottled water (expensive!)
  • Cow tongue
  • Tripe (intestines)
  • Slow meals
  • Tip/tax is included
  • Always have coffee after a meal
  • Unusual choices of music
  • You have to ask for the check
  • You can stay as long as you want (but it's rude if you don't keep buying a new coffee)
  • No refills on most drinks
  • Smoking

In the bathroom:
  • STRANGE SHOWERS
  • No shower curtains
  • Not the toilet!

NOT in the bathroom:
  • The toilet (and no sink by the toilet room)

In the home:
  • Guests come over at 9:00 pm for dinner
  • Guests stay until 1:00 am
  • Fruit is by-and-large not refrigerated, therefore:
  • Fruit flies
  • Moths
  • Lots of old, broken things
  • Coffee presses
  • "Airing" your room (open the windows every day)
  • Noiiiiise
  • NO INTERNET >:[

In the public transportation system:
  • Strong smell of urine
  • 10-year-old pickpockets
  • Leering men
  • Broken Metro lines (always!)
  • Strikes
  • Candy machines
  • Beggars
  • STAIRS STAIRS STAIRS
  • (Almost) no elevators
  • Not handicap-accessible

Again, this is not an exhaustive list.

Okay, class, that's all I feel like teaching for now, but I'm sure next time I'll have more oddities which I can share with you. Don't be late, and remember -- they created France so they'd have a place to keep all the weird French people.

Class dismissed!

mercredi 23 septembre 2009

A side note

Actual post is below this one!! Scroll downnnnnn...

Today, my Word and Image: French Cinema teacher informed me, « I'm not going to eat you. »

He was demonstrating a type of shot where the camera zooms in on someone, and I must have looked alarmed as he approached me VERY, VERY QUICKLY. This prompted him to inform me that he was only 'zooming in' on me, and that he was not a monster, and that he was not going to eat me.

I was relieved.

Pigeonman, schedule, weekend, classes!


So there is this guy who lives in the apartments above the IES center's building. His name is Jonathan. He is a professor in Paris. He is American. He found a baby pigeon who could not fly. He kept it as a pet in his apartment. Not in a cage in his apartment, no... just in his apartment. It sleeps in his bed. Its name is Poopzilla. Allow me to repeat that: ITS NAME IS POOPZILLA.

How do I know this? I walked out into the garden, and a man was sitting there in the sun, reading a paper, occasionally glancing up at a pigeon in a cage. I remarked that I thought the pigeon was cute. He told me all about the pigeon.

I like this crazy old professor; he and I would be awesome friends.

What else? I have my schedule now! My schedule allows you to call me when I am NOT in class. All times listed are first in Paris's timezone, then in Central time.

Monday:
Wake up at 8:00 am (1:00 am, if you're awake you can call me!)
Theatre in Paris
, 9-10:30 (2 am - 3:30 am)
Comic Strips and Society
, 10:45 - 12:15 (3:45 am - 5:15 am)
Free time (when I'm in the computer lab with no reception)
Word and Image: French Cinema, 16:00-17:30 (9:00 am - 10:30 am)

Tuesday:
Wake up at 8:00
(1:00 am, again, you can call me!)
Translation, 9-10:30 (2 am - 3:30 am)
**Starting Oct 5**
History (time TBD)

Wednesday:

Wake up at 8:00 am (1:00 am)
Theatre in Paris
, 9-10:30 (2 am - 3:30 am)
Comic Strips and Society, 10:45 - 12:15 (3:45 am - 5:15 am)
Free time
(when I'm in the computer lab with no reception)
Word and Image: French Cinema, 16:00-17:30 (9:00 am - 10:30 am)

Thursday:
Wake up at 8:00
(1:00 am, again, you can call me!)
Translation, 9-10:30 (2 am - 3:30 am)
**Starting Oct 5**
History (time TBD)

Friday - Sunday:

FREEEEEEE!
Call me any time between 3:00 AM CST and 4:00 PM CST! If you want to call me outside of these hours, send me an email, and we'll figure something out beforehand.


Non-sequitur! This weekend I was hanging out with a friend (after I twisted my ankle and it got better). He smokes. A man walked up to us and heard that we were speaking in English, so he asked, in English:

"Do you have ... fire?"

I struggled to keep a straight face as my friend picked up his cigarette lighter and lit the man's cigarette. The man walked away.
Hee hee.

Okay, so then I started classes. Let's go through them in slight detail.

Theatre in Paris
Very nice teacher. We're reading 4 plays, then we're going to go watch 6 different plays in Paris. Free admission to the plays. AWESOME. Mostly contemporary French plays. I'm not a fan of contemporary plays as much as I am of classical plays, but you can't be picky when it comes to free theatrical outings.

Comics and Society
AH I LOVE THIS PROFESSOR! And yet... it's awkward. I'm already the 'exception' because we were talking about girls and how they generally don't read comics. «Girls, did you ever read lots of superhero comics when you were little ?» he asked. I nodded. All other girls shook their heads. « Well, you're just the exception. We're not talking about you.» he grinned.

Additional reason as to why it's awkward as follows:
I know a webcomic. He's super popular. We occasionally chat online, and I mentioned this to my professor (in the context of "What is your favorite comic?") and he was extremely interested in a super popular webcomic in America. This is because my professor is a comic/film critic in one of the biggest newspapers in Paris.

SO at his request, I sent him the link to the webcomic. I will not include the link on my blog, nor will I mention its name, simply because it has rather 'crude' humor (yes it is the humor; it doesn't have any naughty pictures or anything!!) and my family and parents (Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Grandpa Z!) would probably not appreciate it. In fact, it's 100% certain that they would not appreciate it.

Anyway, he read the first comic and liked it, but he didn't quite understand the joke. I had to explain it to him. The joke was something that students and professors DO NOT DISCUSS in normal classes. That alone was mortifying. He will continue to read it, and he told me he will continue to ask me questions when he doesn't understand something. OH MY GOODNESS. AWKWARD.

Then we had class, and he said, «Now I truly understand how difficult this class will be for you. Cindy sent me a link to an American comic, and it took me a long time to understand WHY it was funny. There were several cultural and linguistic aspects that I had to research before I could finally understand the joke, and this is what you're going to have to do throughout the course.»

He went on to explain the comic in great detail. I felt awkward because again, NOT SOMETHING STUDENTS AND TEACHERS DISCUSS. I professed the reason for my embarrassment to him after class. He responded, «Ah yes, but I am not your average teacher. This is the kind of thing I study... the kind of thing I critique! It's a very good exercise, for me. I will be reading more!»

Enough on that class. Moving onwards:

Word and Image: French Cinema
Now, what's cool about this class is that it's taught not by a professor, but by a (former?) film director (and producer, I believe). We're learning about the development of cinema right now, but it looks like a VERY promising class. Also, we're forced to watch French movies outside of class. DARN, my homework requires me to go to the movies with my friends! (That was sarcasm, you know!)

Translation
This class is not about translating French to English, which is very easy. It's about English to French. A lot harder than you'd think, because English has two sets of vocabulary bases: Latin-based words (the ones that are similar to French, Spanish, Italian, etc), and Anglo-Saxon words/grammar structure (think German!). French only has one major vocabulary base AND grammar structure, both of which are derived from Latin.

So if I want to translate something from English to French, but the English words are all taken from the Germanic roots, it's a lot harder to find a corresponding word in French because FIRST I have to find the Latin-based synonym for the word (if one exists), then I have to translate that into French, and I have to make sure I haven't lost the meaning during all of this.

OH BUT NOW IT IS TIME FOR CLASS! Gotta go!

jeudi 17 septembre 2009

My first test, ouais !

I had my first test. Pretty easy, but the kind of stuff that I make stupid mistakes on.

Okay, so today I'm going to tell you about my opportunities, and I'll ask for your feedback (GIVE ME FEEDBACK OR I WON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE).

Things I'm definitely going to do:
Open a French bank account (this is difficult) with HSBC.

Get a Carte Imaginaire (A year-long pass to ride the Tram, Train, and Bus).


Things I'm considering:

Applying for Glimpse.org. This is something supported by National Geographic, and there are posters all over IES so we know it's legit. If you follow the link, you can see what it's all about.

Why would I apply for Glimpse: I think it would be awesome to get career training in writing and photography, and then I could maybe find a way to highlight the cultural differences AND similarities in Paris (and with a stipend I could travel to other parts in France and look more closely at the differences there). While Paris is extremely similar to larger American cities in many ways, there are some major differences that can trip up even the most seasoned French tourist, not to mention the unsuspecting tourists.

On the other hand, I could use the stipend to fund a short stay in French-speaking Africa (not Mali, since I've been there), and I could write about the impact of colonization in Africa, how they are (or are not) progressing after being liberated (or abandoned?), and how current French culture manifests itself in these francophone regions.

Why I would not apply for Glimpse: Looking at the lists of current 'correspondents,' it seems like almost all of them are based in foreign countries that are quite 'exotic,' where they are not at all normal students, where nobody would assume them to be natives at first glance. Paris versus Vietnam? Which would you choose? Which is more interesting? And finally, would my writing and photography be good enough for this program? I don't think it is. I wasn't even accepted to be an IES blogger!

And finally, my host mother has told me that I absolutely may stay in the apartment during Christmas and winter vacation. She offered to bring me along on her family vacation. If I agreed, I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with Michelle (something we were counting on). I think I would probably be very homesick during Christmas, and being with a French family that I know à peine (I'm forgetting my English!) and not having any way of knowing what gifts to bring or the traditions... that might be really lonely. So I'm thinking I want to stay in the apartment and have Michelle come over for about a week around Christmas time, but then I would be missing a real French Christmas experience. What do I want to do? I could always have Michelle over just before or just after Christmas, except I don't know how long this Christmas family vacation would take!

In other news, I have half of my schedule completed.

"Why half?" you ask.

"Well, I'll tell you," I respond.

You sit down with your listening cap on, and I begin. "So I went to this meeting on Tuesday afternoon-"

"What kind of meeting?" you interrupt. But I stare you down until you slouch back a little bit. This is my story.

"I went to a meeting on Tuesday with Jeanne, the academic coordinator at IES," I continue. "She has an American husband who doesn't like French showers, and her kids are bicultural, and they don't understand why she is afraid of American showers.

"But I sat down in her office, and she said, 'Are you still taking the Theatre in Paris course?'

"'Yes.'

"'Are you still taking the Comic Strips and Society course?'

"'Yes.'

"'And Word and Image [author's note - this is an art and literature course]?'

"'Yes.'

"'And you haven't changed your mind about any of these?'

"'Um, no?'

"'Okay,' she said, 'And you're in the earliest Translation course. What are you taking to fill the rest of the required credits?'

"I responded, 'Well, I want to take some history courses at the Sorbonne... but do you know the schedule yet of those classes so I can sign up for them?'

"'No,' she said curtly, 'they haven't sent me their course hours yet, so you'll have to do something in the meantime. Why not sign up for some courses at the Catholic Institute of Paris (ICP) so, just in case you get the hours at the Sorbonne and can't fit any of those courses into your schedule, you'll still have the classes you need?'

"'Um, okay.' I said. So we went through the courses and signed up for two that are possible. She marked that I would prefer to take courses at the Sorbonne.

"'Anything else you need?' she asked.

"'I said, 'I do need to translate the course descriptions into English and send them to the History Department of my college to ask if they can accept any of them as my official History credits. Is there any way you could send me the description of the courses, even if we don't have the hours yet?'

"'Of course, I'll email it to you now,' she said.

So I went downstairs to the computer room to check my email. She had emailed me last year's course schedule... so I now have last year's course hours, but not their descriptions."

You listen and nod. "Yep," you conclude, "that sucks."

"So that is how I have half a schedule," I finish.

Meanwhile, leave me a message and let me know what you think of these things I may or may not do.

mardi 15 septembre 2009

My blog is in FRENCH?

As Callie pointed out to me, my blog is in French. Bon, ce n'est pas écrit en français, but the website itself is in French. Allow me to help you out by translating the page a little bit.

Let's start on the left side that has all the tabs and stuff.

''Abonnés fidèles'' These are people who are subscribed to my blog.

''Archives du blog'' These are the, uh... archives. Of my blog. You can select certain entries to look at by selecting their titles, which are listed below the month and year.

"Qui êtes-vous ?" That means ''who are you?'' and shows the blog's profile and its info and stuff. It has a picture of me. You can click on it, I think, and it will bring up a different window where you can get some of my contact information (it lists that I'm a student, I live in the 14th neighborhood of Paris, and I like to chase pigeons).

Good job! We got through the left side of the Blogspot layout in French. I'm proud of you.
Next, we'll go to the center, the good stuff. The center has my blog posts, starting with the most recent. If you want to start at the beginning of my blog, go to the left side and select "Paris In A Bottle under the Archives column.

It lists the day, the date, the month, and the year in that order. The French days are as follows:

Lundi - Monday
Mardi - Tuesday (think Mardi Gras!)
Mercredi - Wednesday
Jeudi - Thursday
Vendredi - Friday
Samedi - Saturday
Dimanche - Sunday

I'll trust you to be able to figure out the date, month, and year.

So you read my blog entry and you enjoy it, you're laughing, you're entertained, you're glad I'm having a good time... then you're done with that entry. At the bottom is a message that reads ''Publié par ParisInABottle à l'adresse (some number)'' This tells you when I published that entry to the internet.

Directly to the right of this is something that says 0 commentaires or 4 commentaires or such. If you wish to read the comments that people left me, click on that and scroll down. If you wish to make your own comment, click on that and scroll down.

SIGN IN before you write a comment, or else you'll have to rewrite it. Some people have already discovered this, much to their dismay.

So type your comment and then, if you want to see what it looks like without publishing it, click "Aperçu" If you want to publish it, click on the box that says "Publier un commentaire"
Aaaaand that should be all you need to know!

Now I'm going to show you a successive list of images and you're going to guess my entire schedule for today.

Here's a clue: I woke up this morning.








samedi 12 septembre 2009

Saturday Shopping

It's a bright Saturday, and I'm inside, typing on one of those funky European keyboards. Fab.
Also, I'd like to introduce you to two of my favorite stores that are in the area near the programme center. At least, their names are what delight me so, as I have not entered either of the stores as a potential customer.

Je vous présente: Cuir Center !

Oh, I'm sorry, do you not know how to pronounce that? Let me help you out. Repeat after me: "Queer." Very good! The next part: "Center." Wow, you guys are fast learners! Do you think you are ready to say it all together with me? Okay, let's do it: "Queer Center!" Good job!

Now, can you guess what they sell? No, not that. No, not that either, geez! You have some mighty strange guesses! Alright, alright, I can see you have no idea. The truth is that they sell leather. Leather couches and furniture and such, but still. Cuir Center sells leather; I find this hilarious.

Oh, that other place that I like? It's called "Undiz." I think you guys can probably guess how it's pronounced, but I'll help you out, just in case. I will type slowly for those of you who have trouble with pronouncing French words. Ready? Okay, this store's name is... "Undies." Yes, undies... like those things that you are wearing under your clothes (I hope!).

What's that? You want to know what this store with the funny name sells? Well, like I said, I haven't been inside, but your guess is as good as mine if you look at a picture of the storefront:


What?! Those mannequins are practically naked!! All they're wearing is... is... underwear? Ohhhhh... suddenly, it all makes sense.

Anyway, my friend is staying over this weekend and still looking for apartments, so we've been and will continue to be taking the Metro all over Paris to see different apartments and such. It's quite fun. Also, she will be visiting us someday in Minnesota. LOOK FORWARD TO THIS!!

Iù, getting bored zith this internet cqfe noz; qnd upset zith the keyboqrd; so Iù, gonnq get going qnd Iùll try to ,qke qnother updqte on ?ondqy or Tuesdqy for you qll: Byyye111